Things I Hate About the Army
- Its not the Air force.
- The brown T-shirts.
- Having to carry a card around with the 7 Army Values
on it. Apparently, when faced with a tough situation, were supposed to take out our
7 Army Values card and be reminded of how were supposed to act.
- "He whose name shall not be
mentioned on my website".
- Having to take crap from idiots and a**holes because they outrank
you, not because theyre smarter, more mature, or more responsible than you.
- Working late (or weekends) for absolutely no reason.
- Having to wear a 7 Army Values tag on your dog tags.
For those times when you accidentally forget to carry your 7 Army Values card.
- Guard Duty
- Lack of intellect/common sense.
- Too many hypocrites in leadership positions. They slam you for
stuff that you see them do all the time.
- Having someone else in control of your personal life. For
instance, can you believe that you actually have to get your chain of commands permission
to get married?! I was 31 years old, and I
actually had to ask permission to marry my wife. Im not kidding.
- Lack of culture.
- Arrogant officers that think having a higher position and making
more money than you, automatically makes them a better person than you.
- Similar to #14 officers/NCOs that think that a higher rank
automatically makes them right all the time.
- Full battle rattle
- Grafenwoer Training Area
- Head count
- Work harder, not smarter
- Hey You details
- Condescension from those that outrank you
- The class A cap
- POV inspections. You get your vehicle inspected yearly like normal
people, but then you also must have your supervisor do an additional inspection every time
there is a long weekend or holiday coming up.
- Too many rules protecting us from ourselves
- Multi-tasking. This is the newer, kinder way of saying
additional duties, which means that theyll pile so much crap on you that
you never get a chance to do the things youre supposed to do, and even better,
youre doomed to failure.
- The mandatory flu shot. I never had a flu shot until I joined the
Army, and hadnt had the flu since I was a kid. Then the Army tells me that I have to
get one whether I like it or not. Then guess what happens next? Every year that Ive
gotten it, Ive gotten the flu within 2 weeks after getting the shot. Every single
- Promotion/Soldier of the Month Boards
- Pot belly stoves
- Recovery from field problems
- Camo netting
- The IPFU (improved physical fitness uniform). The only
thing improved about it is that it looks better than the old ones. Its not very
- Double standards. Theyre so plentiful that youd think
they teach it in basic training.
- Its not the Air Force
- Mass punishment. One guy in a company of 200 does something wrong,
so do you punish him? Noooo, you punish all 200 of them. What a great idea! Thatll
teach him a lesson!
- Incompetence with important paperwork. There have been times when
Ive had to get a shot again a few months after getting it the first time because the
person giving it didnt annotate it on my shot record. If that happened in the real
world, that guy would be looking for a new job.
- The only one starch rule in the dining facility. God
forbid I should have potatoes and rice in the same meal
- Change of command ceremonies
- Standing at parade rest
- The coffee
- Shining my boots (this one is obvious to those that I work with!)
- Regulations that dont make sense I swear, sometimes
the Army comes up with regs for no good reason.
- Officers with a sense of entitlement. Ive had officers tell
me to do stuff like fill a copier after it runs out of paper after looking at it
for 5 minutes. How hard would it have been to fill it yourself?
- Its not the Air
- Grass drills (now called circuit training)
- Warmongers I swear, there are people in the Army who need
to go into combat to validate their existence.
- Idiots who think that the answer to every disagreement is to beat
- Acronyms Remember the great scene from Good Morning Viet
Nam? Sir, since the former VP is such a VIP, shouldnt we keep the PC on
the QT? Because if it falls into the hands of the VC, he could end up an MIA, then
wed all be put on KP
Classic. And so true.
- Lack of privacy
- If you dont like your job, tough. It pretty much takes an
act of Congress to change your MOS.
- Packing lists
- Performing services on vehicles. The reason I didnt choose
the job of mechanic when I enlisted is because I know NOTHING about working on vehicles.
But nowadays, the Army has decided that most of the routine maintenance on the vehicles is
operator level. Thats a recipe for disaster.
- Having to sound off (yell like an idiot) when
performing mundane tasks.
- Government propaganda commercials on AFN
- The Dress Greens. No matter how many medals or badges you wear,
its just not possible to look cool and tough in green.
- Retired Army people working as contractors who think that they
still outrank you. Guess what? The minute you got out, I stopped having to
listen to you!
- Having to shave every day
- NCOs/Officers that create phantom regulations. For
example, the regulation states that you are allowed to have a moustache, as long as
its in line with the corners of your mouth. But then youll have some guy in
charge who thinks that moustaches dont look good, so bye-bye facial hair
- Cant get away from the car racing
- Creativity and ingenuity are discouraged in favor of this is
the way the Army has always done things. In the Air force, if you come up with a
better way of doing things, they actually pay you. In the Army, youll get
ignored, or maybe even a nice counseling statement
- Catering to the lowest common denominator. For example, at my last
unit, whenever we would run as a company, they would always put the slowest people up
front, so the entire company would have to run at their pace. So instead of trying to get
the slow people trying to improve their run, we make everyone else run slower! No wonder
the Army has so many people on the overweight program!
- Only one type of Sam Adams sold at the shoppette. And sometimes
not even that
- Train as You Fight. This is another slogan that the
Army uses to try to explain why they do some the asinine things they do.
- Suck it up and Drive on. This started out as a great
motivational slogan, but now it's become one that Army people use simply to mask the
reality of how miserable everyone is. For example, its 97 degrees and all the
enlisted troops have to stand on the field for a change of command ceremony. Some one in a
position of authority will say suck it up and drive on, and magically,
everyone becomes motivated and forgets that they have to stand at attention in Africa hot
weather for over an hour.
- "How dare you tell me that this is wrong - I've been doing
this for 26 years, so you're gonna do this my way!"***
- It's not the Air Force
- Most Army people aren't smart enough to realize that I said
"It's not the Air Force" multiple times on purpose!
*** An actual quote from a Major in the US Army, after
being told that he was doing things absolutely wrong. Hmm...26 years and he's still a
To those who are/were
in the Army...Care to add yours to the list?
If so, email them to
Also check out the 15
Things I Love About the Army
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